Great post jonono. I certainly find that taking a break and walking around my garden calms my nerves and allows me to think through things much easier.
We miss our garden and imagining you walking, looking, touching a flower, a leaf, a plant, feeling the sun, wind or snowflakes on your face as your worries ease away, is a lovely image. Like Surreybirder watching a Red Kite over Walsingham, a quiet thought for the mind to rest on. We do have plants in pots though and in one is a small oak tree which I love and check most days as it has grown from a hand sized seedling into a 4 ft plus sapling. However bad things are, that small trunk is sturdy, this leaf is healthy, that tiny acorn is growing, which, given its inhospitable surroundings, is a small miracle to be thankful for.
On a more mundane note, I think that fresh air and exercise are also good for the spirit. I know that many people are not very mobile but I find that going out and doing something as simple as mowing the grass makes me feel better in mind and body. I particularly like jobs where there is a distinct ‘before and after’ such as mowing, hedge-trimming or just washing the car. Vacuuming, not so much!
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@Jins_Weenus Hope things are going better now.
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Sadly, I have to report that things are worse. My grandma is still holding on but she has become so frail she needs full 24 hour support and she is struggling, understandably so. There’s nothing nice about seeing an older person cry, especially when they’re someone you care so deeply for. With helping look after my grandma, I’ve been lucky if I’m home more than a couple hours a day so I’ve hardly had time to even feel like I get a second’s breath. However, 2 things are getting me by - 1. I found a random cat that is owned but is surely mistreated. Poor thing has a bloated tummy, ticks, fleas and/or mange, a (either current or previous) broken tail etc etc. I could go on and on. I nicknamed her Fudge and I try to visit her whenever I can (she’s not even a street away thankfully) to give her some fuss. Despite the difficulties she has, she is the sweetest most loving cat I’ve met. I’ve asked the RSPCA what to do about it, I have to wait and see what they say. Seeing my little Fudgie makes my day better though, she’ll always stop whatever she is doing to run over to me meowing for some attention :') The second thing getting me by is hatching moths/butterflies. I rescued a bunch of eggs that my step-dad had not-so-lovingly sprayed with bug killer and I wasn’t sure if they would hatch. Alas, today marked my third hatch. I’ve had 2 Silver Ys and some kind of White butterfly, I would assume a Large White solely because it was large and white lol. At some point I would like to have a full nature day where I can just be at peace, even if that means being bitten by mosquitoes and crawled all over by ants lol
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Thank you for your lovely messages. You have reminded me of something that I used to think about a lot when I was younger. I remember always loving dandelions as a kid because I thought they were strong. As I got older, I saw them as a sort of symbol of resilience. They just push on despite everything. Chop 'em down? They’ll grow back anyhow. Cover the dirt with concrete? The humble dandelion pays no mind 
No matter the adversity that a dandelion faces, it still continues, whether it’s out of determination or sheer spite.
It reminds me actually - my late friend was a poet and a very good one at that. One of their poems has the line ‘Count the pebbles under your step, estimate how many grains of sand it’ll be long after you’re gone’. It makes me think that life is made up of millions of little things, the same way the pebbles are. Of those millions of little things, there must be some good in there somewhere.
Actually, my friend had another poem that brilliantly encapsulates the life that nature gives us. It was titled ‘I don’t want to die the same way I’ve lived’ and part of it reads:
“When I close my eyes and let my body keep me alive
I can listen, for the first time
To wind
To butterflies, stones, birds
To life”
Reading their poetry again is incredibly bittersweet. I hope one day I can read it again and feel less sadness and more happiness. I want to be able to celebrate who they were but it’s definitely hard when I have to say ‘who they were’ instead of ‘who they are’.
Whatever happens, I will try to hold out hope and keep growing, the same as your sapling and the same as a dandelion
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I hope the Wildlife jokes in this forum might help aswell Wildlife hunor can also help you through things aswell
Ok I hope it it helps
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This was un planned but iv found another thing that I hope will cheer you up you see I acidently drew a bird that looks like it’s just been to the gym
I doubt much birds are going to want to challenge him for Teritory or anything else for that matter
So well said Jins, “I will try to hold out hope and keep growing” a mantra we all try to live by. I do also so love Steve Smailes’ comment earlier this month “There are always unmet things to look forward to, along with unknown things to discover” which so resonated with us as we recalled standing on top of the downs on a cold October day last autumn and seeing our first ever Scarlet Waxcap and then spotting close by a Golden Waxcap glowing in the long grass having never ever seeing a waxcap during a lifetime tramping over the Berkshire and Wiltshire Downs, too busy looking up instead of looking at what’s beneath our feet!
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I like the note about new discoveries. Even in our garden, I keep finding new things that I’ve never noticed before. Having a sense of wonder about Creation is important, I think. Otherwise, it is too easy to focus on what a mess we humans are making of it. I am not sure where the phrase comes from but another mantra is: ‘Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness!’
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And each new discovery is such a joy but also an astonishment - how come I’ve never noticed this before?!
I do like your mantra "Better to light one candle… " . We doggedly post mayfly, dragonfly and caddisfly larvae photographs on our local river Facebook pages, amid the relentless posts of gloom and doom. Yes the river is polluted, yes we have to be ever watchful and chivvy the authorities, but we must have hope, show that there is still life which appears to be surviving (rather like people living and working in polluted towns and cities), feeding the fish which feed the Otters, the source of such delight, unlike it has to be said the barren arable fields which we pass on our walks, with no signs of insect life whatsoever and no birds sing.
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Such a thought provoking thread, some truly lovely sentiments and glimmers of hope amongst some unbearable sadness. For me, nature has always been my solace, and sometimes when I think about what we’re doing to it, the future seems so bleak that it’s completely overwhelming. What helps me at times like that is trying to do something positive, no matter how small. Many years ago I heard a story that really resonated with me. You may already know it and I think it comes originally from something called “the Star Thrower” by Loren Eiseley. I haven’t actually read the original but the version I heard goes something like this:
Thousands of starfish were washed up on a beach and set to perish in the sun. An onlooker noticed someone walking amongst them and gently throwing them back into the sea. After a while, the onlooker approached the person to ask why they were bothering as they couldn’t possibly make a difference. The “thrower” then picked up another and, as they threw it back into the sea, turned to the onlooker and said - it made a difference to that one…
I really love that and use it to keep me motivated when things seem hopeless. I hope you all have something that helps a little in difficult times. Take care everyone.
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That’s a great story, Luisa. I’m sure that every positive action makes a difference - and, perhaps even more important, it helps us to keep a positive outlook.
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How are your moths and butterflies getting on and how is little Fudgie?
Sorry to reply so late! I have had some good, some bad with my lepidopteran buddies. I got 2 Mullein caterpillars to pupation but I noticed they didn’t look quite right. One of the pupae had turned an odd shade of black which I didn’t trust. When I peeled away the leaves surroundng it and held the pupa, it was clear something had gone wrong. I picked at a corner of the pupal case and was greeted by an almighty smell. I read somewhere that there is a bacteria/disease (something along those lines) that can cause that to happen to the pupa so I assume that was what had befell my friend. I didn’t dare touch the other one just in case it could somehow be alive - apparently they can take up to 2 years to hatch so I may have to wait a while to see if the other one is alright but unfortunately I’m not holding out much hope.
As for Fudgie, it’s not great news either. I haven’t seen her since my last comment and the RSPCA said her situation concerned them but wasn’t an emergency so they wouldn’t investigate. I believe Fudgie has probably passed away but I still look for her every day just in case. I used to have another cat that visited my house and I would let it in and it slept on my bed with me called Dusty - I knew her owners via her and they are lovely people. A few days after my grandma unfortunately passed away, Dusty’s owners messaged us to inform us they had to put her down as somebody had poisoned her. Again, it feels like everything is in a downward slope but reading back through this post and the various comments does make me feel better about things. Everything going on has massively knocked my confidence tenfold, especially when it comes to identifying and posting nature observations here. I’ve lost some of the most vital people who would help keep me in check. I do feel very anxious and worried about posting anything here (or anywhere, really) - the autistic fear of saying or doing the wrong thing has creeped back up on me and it is nothing short of infuriating to be so terrified of even writing words down that I neglect myself one of my favourite things in fear of botching some kind of social decorum.
Pity party aside though, I have many more caterpillars that I am trying to hatch. I realised that I hadn’t been ‘watering’ my pupae enough so I’m making a conscious effort to spray them with water more (but not too much, it’s a delicate balance I haven’t mastered yet). I’ve got a couple Rose Leaf Miners, a Ruby Tiger and some kind of tortrix moths lol. I never realised how voracious Ruby Tiger caterpillars can be - I gave this one a whole dock leaf and it cleared it within a couple hours. I also have had 2 new cats visiting my garden - one is a male that I know is called Colin and the other is an unknown female cat. I haven’t given her a (literal) pet name yet, I’m still thinking of a good name. She is a sweet cat - she was in my conservatory just a few hours ago laying on her back in my lap having a good ol’ sleep. Maybe anyone who reads this can help think of a name - she is a little Tuxedo cat with white whiskers and a nice nature. However, my sleeve brushed against her foot today and my gosh, you’d think I’d have shot her. She turned around and scratched and mauled at my sleeve - thankfully I survived the brutal cat attack on my jumper lol
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Welcome back! How lovely to hear from you again, with your fascinating insights into the (to me) totally unknown world of pupae and the raising of caterpillars! So very sorry to read the sad news of your dear grandma; at such times our grief is so overwhelming it’s difficult to find our bearings, the world seems to have tilted out of alignment and solid ground hard to find, but being able to send us news shows you are beginning to find your safe places again. I’m sure I’m not the only one to look forward to seeing your new observations - your expertise is impressive, very much valued and has been missed. all best wishes, Joyce.
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Very difficult for you, Hannah and I’m so sorry to hear about your Grandma. J x
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Much sympathy from me, too, Hannah.
As I think I have said before, we have a lot of autism in our family and I know that it can be very wearing - but at the same time, it often comes with great gifts. I’m sure that you will gradually become more acquainted with your strengths while at the same time learning to live with your weaknesses. (We all have strengths and weaknesses - that is part of the human condition.) Remember that you are valued in this community for who you are, not for being a genius (though you may be that, too!).
I’ve tried rearing the odd larva. As you know, it’s not a case of ‘one size fits all’. I am pretty sure that when I had an oak eggar, I kept it outdoors. I put about an inch of soil in an old ice-cream tub and constructed a crude mesh ‘lid’. I put a slate over the tub to keep off the worst of the rain. I then fed it until it pupated, which it did under the soil. The joy of having an adult emerge is lovely - and a great photo opportunity, too, of course.
I also had a vapourer larva which turned out to be a (flightless) female. I put it in the garden and it soon attracted a male - more photo opps!
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